Nice Guys Finish Last?

It's often been said that "nice guys finish last," that women won't respect a guy who is too attentive, affectionate, and devoted. Some even go so far as to assume that since they were nice, and a woman rejected him, that all women must like jerks. They wonder why women seem to like jerks. Then they start acting like jerks hoping it will work for them.

What is it that makes a nice guy, well... nice? Does he hold doors, buy flowers, and do other romantic gestures? More importantly, why does he do those things? Does he do those things because he met a wonderful woman with whom he shares many common interests and values, and knows will appreciate them? Or is he doing them simply because that's what women are supposed to like, and he wants her to want him? If he's acting like a nice guy to win the favor of a woman, he's going to be disappointed. He looks at those acts of kindness as an investment towards her approval, and when those investments are not fully appreciated, he becomes bitter and angry. This is usually when he proclaims the loudest that he is a "nice guy," and that women just don't appreciate him, when in fact, he was simply lavishing the attention on the wrong woman, for the wrong reasons.

Another factor is that many women prefer a man who shows her how nice he is, gradually as he gets to know her, rather than someone who tells her how nice he is, or tries too hard to prove how nice he is. On this topic, Dating Advice Forums moderator Nika said, "There are plenty of nice people out there. However, I don't really trust people that seem to be bending over backwards to prove how nice they are the first time I meet them. If that's the definition of nice, then I'm not. It takes me awhile to warm up to someone enough that I want to go out of my way to make that person happy, but when I do find someone I like and respect enough, I'm really damn nice to them. Also, if I don't respect a person, I'm not nice. Civil maybe, but not nice." She adds, "As a corollary, I'm much more likely to trust and respect a person who warms up to me after they get to know me, rather than someone who oozes Vaseline-on-the-teeth beauty pageant charm the first time I meet him/her. I can't help but wonder what they're trying to sell."

In my own experience, I dated a few self-proclaimed "nice guys," who would act like pushovers, hoping to get something in return. They were manipulative, often saying what they thought I wanted to hear, showered me with attention (too much), but it was all an act... and a good excuse to play victim when they didn't get their way. If for whatever reason I didn't like them, it was because "nice guys" finish last. Not because they drove me nuts, followed me around like a puppy, demanded too much of my time, or because we didn't really have anything in common... it was because I was one of those "dumb bitches" who was "going to end up with a jerk." Then I'd be sorry! (Is this how they show how nice they are!?) Maybe they were right. In my opinion, the nicest guy I've ever met was one who called himself an obnoxious bastard. But I'm not sorry at all... I married him.

Some girls genuinely do go for the wrong type of guy. They like the challenge of a bad guy, or think their lives are much more exciting. There's a word for girls like this: morons. Just like guys who go for hot-chickie-babes who might not not be the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree, but have a rack that could keep you dry in the rain, are morons, too. Some people are just stupid when it comes to dating, and one should count him- or herself lucky to not be involved with such a person.